Making Plans

Making plans and having FMD is nearly impossible.  As I have been told for a number of years, sometimes the best laid plans go straight to hell.  And it is true!  Every time I attempt to make plans, whether it be to go out to lunch or dinner, go do something for a day or even just decide that I will do laundry on a certain day becomes a challenge.  I never know how I am going to feel and what the day will bring.  I am a spontaneous person in general, so doing things on the fly or changing plans at the last minute is not really that big of a deal in "normal life".  I knew I wold always still be able to do what it was I had planned, it was just a matter of changing things around to adapt. 

With FMD, it is so different.  I am so prone to having days that are a wash that I have become used to just doing what I am able to, spur of the moment and would rather not make plans, unless those plans are ten minutes from then, and even then I sometimes have to change them. 

I manage on days when there are things that I just have to do.  I adapt to what I need to.  I may look like hell and have to use my cane to steady myself, but I get there.  I do have a few friends that I can call at the last minute and say to them that I am feeling good at that monet and if we are going to do anyhting, now is the time, as in right now!  I have missed weddings, funerals, birthdays and a few holidays because I just can't get out of bed.

I do go to a local private club one or two times a week because it is an outlet for me.  It is a place I can go spur of the moment and know there will always be someone to talk to.  The patrons have gotten used to seeing the many sides of "me".  They see when I am having a really good day and I am all snazzed up, they see me on so so days when I at least throw on some lipstick and try to look nice, then there are the days that I just can't, but I need to get out of the house and I show up in whatever I threw on to wear, hair barely combed, big black circles around my eyes, my droop lip and we all know with a droop lip comes a speech impediment.  But hey they all get it.  Nobody really says anything about it, which is great for me.  It is my no judgment, who cares, we got this zone. 

The club is the "Cheers" in my life.  Several of the patrons have given me their phone number, so if I am having a bad day or just want to let loose, I can without the worry of driving, I can drive most of the time, but I try to stay local, some days I just can't get my body to work in unison and I need a ride, so it makes it really nice.  The patrons are also people I have known for many years, most of them knowing me before my ilness, because I would usually stop in after a long day of working one of my jobs.  They are people who just get me.  They get that I am not as good as I once was and that is ok for them.  They are the kind of people who know when I am down and they pick me up.  They know if I only have a little bit of money, so they will buy me a drink or sometimes two.  I don't have too many drinks as I am on too many different medications. 

Recently, I have been known to show up with some sort of food on a Saturday evening, the club doesn't serve a regular menu of food, so it's ok.  I show my appreciation through food.  Feeding people, good, homemade food is how I show the "love" and appreciation.  It is another way for me to thank people without having to say it over and over again and again. 

Yes, my daughters father and I are a bit on the outs and have been for quite sometime now, so I mostly go out and get out of the house when she is with him.